Leave Clay In The Ground

After receiving so many awful music PR emails from companies I've never worked with, I thought I'd resurrect my old blog in order to do something about it. Having your email address so visible in your Twitter bio is probably not such a good idea after all and here I was thinking it would lead to either worthwhile business opportunities or the occasional rando message from a pervert, yet here I am, inundated with a trash pile full of unlistenable tracks. I thought it'd be best to share these wonders with the web instead of suffering in silence alone at my desk.

Eleven days ago, a cold email with the subject "Clay release brand new anthem 'Saint'" dropped into my inbox and after quickly convincing myself that I was having heart palpitations from drinking far too much coffee in a short space of time, considered that the biblical sounding message from the unknown could actually be a helping hand from the heavens. What came through my speakers, however, was surely the reason why the music industry has gone to absolute hell.  

Realistically, I could've guessed Clay would be terrible by the combination of this promo photo and the fact they were boasting "in store playlist support from Topman, Topshop, H&M and Burton". Of course the four horsemen of the apocalypse manufacture the background noise of generic high street stores, none of these inoffensively styled bringers of sonic death can even look us in the eye. Their vibe is exactly how you'd imagine, upbeat and uninteresting, like The 1975 but with more autotune and none of the money thrown at it. How they have a record deal is beyond comprehension, presumably one of their parents have a few mates in the BBC that they bribe to include their songs onto the Radio 1 playlists.

How they're aiming to "re-invent the modern perception of a band" (their words, not mine) I don't know. A musical four piece comprising of presumably straight, white dudes with a catalogue edgy hair cuts, newly fresh leather jackets and lyrics about "holding me closer" doesn't exactly scream reinvention. A combination has been around since The Beatles isn't either a reinvention or modern. I'd be more impressed if the email was straight up honest and described them simply as a "classic band stereotype" but at least they provided me with a cheap laugh and a stitch. 

In a country that voted for Brexit, it's no wonder that the music scene is rife with meaningless drivel that's neither stylish or substantial but please leave Clay in the ground and stop sending me these terribly mediocre songs. 

If you so wish, you can listen to the track for yourself over on Spotify. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.